God said "go!" and I was never the same...

I saw Jesus in their smiles.
I heard Him in their laughs.
These precious children,
have left their fingerprints on my heart,
forever.
I long for the day
when I am reunited with them.
God bless you, sweet ones,
whom are the beloved of the King.

The Call of Christ - Danita Estrella

Watch this video.
Let your heart be stirred for God's babies.
You won't regret it.
Promise.

God's Chest

One of my brother's has pneumonia right now. If you have never been around a little guy with pneumonia, let my try to sum it up for you: never ending hack-like coughing, intense and labored breathing, loss of appetite, and crying in their sleep. Needless to say, it is not fun. It kinda reminds me of when a baby has the croup. Mostly because of the difficulty breathing part. My mom told me that she has only been half-way sleeping since he has been sick. She partly stays awake to listen and make sure he keeps breathing. She did this when all us kids would get sick. This conversation with her got me thinking...

I have not had very many seasons in my life that I would say were like suffocating. I have been through hard things, yes. But there has really only been a handful of seasons where I felt like life was literally being sucked out of me. There was one in particular that is still fresh on my mind. It was what I not-so-lovingly-call my "dark season." If that sounds grotesque or emo, it isn't. It was just what it sounds like, dark. It was an intense season of deep sorrow, pain, and anger. I recently discovered an old journal (don't you love it when that happens!) and I read through just about all of it last night. Many of the prayers/rantings/cryings were for a breath of God, because I felt like I was suffocating.

Then, it hit me like a cool wave hits your hot sticky feet on the beach.

In seasons of pain, of doubt, of struggle, of suffocation...God scoops us up, lays our weary head on His chest and lets us breathe. He breathes in and out, in and out. He breathes over us.

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart..." -Isaiah 40:11

If you are in a "dark season" right now, if you feel like you are suffocating, if you are thinking you won't make it, run to Him. Let Him hold you. He is paying close attention. He will not take His ears or eyes off of you. If your breathing is labored right now, He knows it. He sees your affliction. He is not going to let it overpower you.

"After He took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put His fingers into the man's ears. Then He spit and touched the man's tongue. He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, 'ephphatha!' (which means, 'be opened!'). -Mark 7:33-34

If you are suffocating right now, then this is my challenge:

Be raw with Jesus. Ask Him to open you up. Ask Him to be so intimate with you that you can feel Him on your tongue. Feel His hands cupped around your face. Feel Him sigh over you, and whisper words of healing.

I love you, friend. Be blessed this day.

Embrace

I found this poem randomly today. I wrote it a while back. Just thought I'd share. May it encourage you today :)

you know that feeling...

the one where the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

where nothing is going the right way.

where you don't know how you are going to survive the next day.

it is the feeling that makes your heart pound.

the feeling of being forgotten, insignificant, a failure.

escaping it is a goal that not many attain.

that is the feeling that makes you go numb inside.

numb to the evil around you.

numb to the kindness someone tries to offer you.

numb to the world.

numb toward God.

and if you ask God to fix it.

He whispers one simple word.

embrace.

embrace the task set before you.

embrace what I have called you to do.

embrace, Me, and remember I am not your feelings.

He doesn't force us.

we have to choose Him daily.

everything screams inside you: NO!

you don't like it.

you almost despise it.

and yet He keeps telling you, embrace.

Kiddos Part 1: "wherever you go, I go"

As I have said before, I kind of have this thing about children. I love them! Small ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones, red ones, blue ones, and even green ones! I want to tell you why...

For any of you lucky enough to know my baby brother (and I mean really know him) you know he is quite something to behold (really all my brothers are). Seriously though, this kid blows my mind sometimes. He can build a Lego world like nobody's business. It is impossible to know more about Spongebob Squarepants than he does. And Star Wars toys are a definite trump card when it comes to birthdays and Christmas.

My baby brother is special to me, just like my other brothers. But he has this thing that he always does whenever I am home from school. He never leaves my side! He is stuck on me like glue or silly string or gum on your shoe! He always says "wherever you go I go, whatever you do I do." And then he follows me around and plays copy cat longer than I ever thought humanly possible.

Now think with me for a minute. I know, I know, you are supposed to just mindlessly be reading this because you are procrastinating on homework or chores, but bear with me. What did Jesus tell us about kiddos? He said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it" (Mark 10:14-15). I think this relates to my story about Isaiah (feel free to disagree and share your own thoughts about this verse). I think we have to totally and completely abandon ourselves to God. That is the life we as His children are called to. And, if you truly follow like a child you will want to mimic Jesus. It will bring you so much joy to act like your father. Just like it brings Isaiah joy to copy whatever I do. Now, please do not misunderstand, I'm not saying following God will be all smiles and laughs. It won't be. The life of a Christian is one of pain and suffering (John 15:18 is one of many places that tells us that). But there can be joy in those things! Not always happiness, but a life of joy because of Christ! See James 1:2-4.

I think we as a church body need to have this attitude towards Christ "wherever You go, I go. whatever You do, I do." I think that is the ultimate way of dying to ourselves. We have to make sure it is not about us and what we can do for God, but making it about God and what He can do.

I think that is probably one of the many things Jesus was talking about when He told us to act like children. Children mimic, they imitate, they watch and do likewise. They monkey-see-monkey-do, they are copy-cats, they follow the leader.

photo from here

I forgot to mention...something that blew my mind just recently was I came across this. Really wowed me because it was right after Isaiah had been following me around.

Waiting

I have never considered patience to be something I struggle with. I struggle with pride, living a self-centered lifestyle, loving people who don't love me,...I could go on. But patience has just seemed to come naturally to me all my life. I love children and I don't struggle with patiently dealing with an unruly child. I have seen patience as a gift from the good Lord above. BUT, I am beginning to realize I am not as patient as I once thought (see, there is that pride thing). I am not patient when it comes to God. I am not patient when it comes to myself.

I am in a season of waiting on the Lord's timing. I want to love on orphans in Africa. God has given me a deep, strong, intense passion for orphans and for Africa. God first placed Africa on my heart when I was in the 10th grade. Though I never told anyone. I distinctly remember the day He told me what I was to become. I was at The Rock Family Worship Center with some friends and they were talking about orphans in Russia I believe. Giving the same spill I had heard for the last 15 years about the importance of taking care of orphans and widows. But that night, God spoke. "I want you to be a mother to the motherless" is what He told me. After that, time went by and I eventually forgot about that night and what God had spoken over me. God spent the next two years seriously reshaping who I was. Then the summer before going off to college, God told me He wanted me to go to City of Children in Mexico with my youth group. I was not really that excited about this. For a long time, I didn't have friends in youth group and going to youth events (with a few exceptions) was not my favorite thing. But, God did not relent. He kept pushing me and reminding me. Then, He provided the money and off I went. I was there for approximately one week, and during that week God changed my life. There really are no words to describe everything He taught me there, and really that is another story that I shall write about some other day. Needless to say, He reminded me of my call to be a mother. He reminded me of the orphans that needed Him.

Over the past two years, God has been working on me in some intense ways. He is transforming me into what He wants me to become. I have never known greater joys than some of the ones the Lord has given me since being in college. But I have also never known deeper pains.

So, that brings me to my point. Waiting. Several of my dear friends are out in the world serving the Lord. He has truly paved the way for them to go be missionary's and minister to the lost and hurting. And I couldn't be happier for them. But I can't help wonder why my time hasn't come yet. Why can I not go to Africa right now? Why do I have to stay in school instead of volunteering all my time at a local home for children? Why do I feel like the Lord is holding out on me? When I questioned God about all these things, He taught me something I never expected. He taught me the story of Mary Magdalene and the other women at the tomb. These women obeyed God and He blessed them for it. They had to wait on God's timing before they could go to Jesus' tomb after He was crucified. The Sabbath was the day before Jesus rose from the dead. God had instructed His people to observe the Sabbath and to keep it Holy. It was a day of rest and reflection on the Lord. He told me the women wanted to go on the Sabbath. They wanted so desperately to go adorn their holy Jesus with the perfumes and spices they had purchased. But, they had to wait. They had to obey God's will and wait on His timing. If the women had disobeyed, God would have forgiven them. But they would have missed being the first to witness the glorious resurrection that would save all humanity. God wanted them to be the first missionary's to share the good news of the gospel. If they had gone too early, if they had gone on the Sabbath, they would have found a dead corpse. But, since they waited, they found the living God in human form that had triumphed over death. That He would speak her name. Oh what a blessing they would have missed.

Their desire was not a bad thing. Just like my desire is not a bad thing. But doing it God's way is critical to success. Some day I know I will be in an orphanage in Africa. But not today, and not tomorrow. If it is in the Lord's will He will get you to wherever He has called you. He doesn't make promises and break them. He promises strength to those who must wait. I know He has more to teach me. I am not ready and neither is Africa for what God wants to accomplish through me. So, I am to wait on the Lord's timing. Don't get caught in the lie of you have to go now or never. That is the twist on the truth which is you have to live each day for God. Whether that is in an American college or high school or in a third world country serving those with desperate needs. God is the one who will accomplish good in those places. Not you and not me. God does send people, and when He does you will know the timing is right. He'll make Himself clear. But until then, wait. Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength. Give God your dreams even though He may never give them back. Trust and be patient.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:31

the silver & the silversmith

"The silver is crushed into small pieces and placed into a crucible. The silversmith places the crucible over the fire that has been prepared to just the right degree of heat, and then he watches carefully as the silver melts.

Eventually impurities will rise to the top of the crucible. These are scraped off carefully by the silversmith. Then an even hotter fire is built. Once again the silver is subjected to heat. Now, under this new intensity of fire, more and different impurities are released.

The silversmith never leaves the silver unattended in the fire, lest the silver be damaged by too much heat. Each time the fire is increased and the impurities are removed, the silversmith bends over the crucible to look at himself in the melted silver. At first his image is dim...his face barely discernible. However, with each new fire his image becomes more distinct. When he finally sees himself clearly, he knows all the impurities are gone. The refining is complete." -Kay Arthur Lord Heal My Hurts pg. 95-96

We are the silver. He is the silversmith.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body of the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life works in you."
-2 Corinthians 4:7-12