Waiting

I have never considered patience to be something I struggle with. I struggle with pride, living a self-centered lifestyle, loving people who don't love me,...I could go on. But patience has just seemed to come naturally to me all my life. I love children and I don't struggle with patiently dealing with an unruly child. I have seen patience as a gift from the good Lord above. BUT, I am beginning to realize I am not as patient as I once thought (see, there is that pride thing). I am not patient when it comes to God. I am not patient when it comes to myself.

I am in a season of waiting on the Lord's timing. I want to love on orphans in Africa. God has given me a deep, strong, intense passion for orphans and for Africa. God first placed Africa on my heart when I was in the 10th grade. Though I never told anyone. I distinctly remember the day He told me what I was to become. I was at The Rock Family Worship Center with some friends and they were talking about orphans in Russia I believe. Giving the same spill I had heard for the last 15 years about the importance of taking care of orphans and widows. But that night, God spoke. "I want you to be a mother to the motherless" is what He told me. After that, time went by and I eventually forgot about that night and what God had spoken over me. God spent the next two years seriously reshaping who I was. Then the summer before going off to college, God told me He wanted me to go to City of Children in Mexico with my youth group. I was not really that excited about this. For a long time, I didn't have friends in youth group and going to youth events (with a few exceptions) was not my favorite thing. But, God did not relent. He kept pushing me and reminding me. Then, He provided the money and off I went. I was there for approximately one week, and during that week God changed my life. There really are no words to describe everything He taught me there, and really that is another story that I shall write about some other day. Needless to say, He reminded me of my call to be a mother. He reminded me of the orphans that needed Him.

Over the past two years, God has been working on me in some intense ways. He is transforming me into what He wants me to become. I have never known greater joys than some of the ones the Lord has given me since being in college. But I have also never known deeper pains.

So, that brings me to my point. Waiting. Several of my dear friends are out in the world serving the Lord. He has truly paved the way for them to go be missionary's and minister to the lost and hurting. And I couldn't be happier for them. But I can't help wonder why my time hasn't come yet. Why can I not go to Africa right now? Why do I have to stay in school instead of volunteering all my time at a local home for children? Why do I feel like the Lord is holding out on me? When I questioned God about all these things, He taught me something I never expected. He taught me the story of Mary Magdalene and the other women at the tomb. These women obeyed God and He blessed them for it. They had to wait on God's timing before they could go to Jesus' tomb after He was crucified. The Sabbath was the day before Jesus rose from the dead. God had instructed His people to observe the Sabbath and to keep it Holy. It was a day of rest and reflection on the Lord. He told me the women wanted to go on the Sabbath. They wanted so desperately to go adorn their holy Jesus with the perfumes and spices they had purchased. But, they had to wait. They had to obey God's will and wait on His timing. If the women had disobeyed, God would have forgiven them. But they would have missed being the first to witness the glorious resurrection that would save all humanity. God wanted them to be the first missionary's to share the good news of the gospel. If they had gone too early, if they had gone on the Sabbath, they would have found a dead corpse. But, since they waited, they found the living God in human form that had triumphed over death. That He would speak her name. Oh what a blessing they would have missed.

Their desire was not a bad thing. Just like my desire is not a bad thing. But doing it God's way is critical to success. Some day I know I will be in an orphanage in Africa. But not today, and not tomorrow. If it is in the Lord's will He will get you to wherever He has called you. He doesn't make promises and break them. He promises strength to those who must wait. I know He has more to teach me. I am not ready and neither is Africa for what God wants to accomplish through me. So, I am to wait on the Lord's timing. Don't get caught in the lie of you have to go now or never. That is the twist on the truth which is you have to live each day for God. Whether that is in an American college or high school or in a third world country serving those with desperate needs. God is the one who will accomplish good in those places. Not you and not me. God does send people, and when He does you will know the timing is right. He'll make Himself clear. But until then, wait. Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength. Give God your dreams even though He may never give them back. Trust and be patient.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:31