love, God

I strongly feel the need to share this with you, whoever you are. This was something I wrote in my journal a while back...let Him minister to your spirit with it. I pray it blesses you.

Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I call you My own? You are My precious one. You are My treasure. I love you. But it's not because of you, it's because of Me and My goodness...oh child, do not worry about tomorrow for each day has enough trouble of its own. Have I not brought you this far? Can't you trust Me to take you the rest of the way? Peace! Peace I leave with you. Do not allow you heart to be troubled. Do not be afraid. Trust that you are in the palm of My hand. Satan can only torment you as much as I allow him. And when he does, remember that it makes Me hurt even more than you. To get to you, he has to go through the holes in My hands where the nails once were. Sin is why he roams. But, I am stronger than him. I am the one who is able to save. You are My daughter. When you hurt, I hurt even more. Weep to Me. Tell Me all about your troubles, for I long to be gracious to you. You are strong as long as you are in Christ. Remain in Me, so I can remain in you. You are well loved. Do not feel guilty for my blessings child! They are for you out of My grace! I long to be gracious to you, sweet one. Rest in Me. Climb into My lap each night before going to sleep. Rest and trust in Me. I know what you cannot know. I see what you cannot see. I hear what you cannot hear. I am with you. Trust in Me. I love you, even through your struggles. My love is not because of what you can do, it is because of Me.

obsessed

Oh, to be obsessed with Him and Him alone.
Transform our hearts oh God.
Turn us towards You.

the man with beautiful eyes

I dreamed I was in line to die. There were thousands of us. Standing, moving one step at a time, slowly, to certain death. It was like a gallows, you know like the ones in pirate movies, but very much worse. I was cold, alone, and hungry. It was very dark and kinda had that rainy, hazy feel. As I got close enough to where I could see Death himself, I became afraid. The type of fear that paralyzes you and where time moves into a painful slow motion. I was going to die, but I was ready, the waiting seemed worse than any death could be. That is, I was ready until I realized, realized what was really going on. The people were not dying, they were being whipped with chains full of broken glass, tortured. Then going into fire. A fire that could not be quenched. A fire that would never end. This was a fate worse than death. I no longer felt my false bravery towards death. At last, my time came. Utter despair filled every fiber of my being. But then, this man with brown skin, strong muscular arms, and the deepest most purest eyes imaginable stepped up to Death in front of me. They talked for a bit. I couldn't really tell what they were saying, and to be honest I didn't really care; I was about to die and that was all I could think about. They finished their conversation after what seemed like hours, and my heart skipped three beats. This was going to hurt. I really hate using the word "hurt" there, because it really was going to be much worse than "hurt," in reality it was going to be more treacherous than any words could ever express. I stepped into place, and braced my back for the deep sting I would soon feel. But then, instead of a deep lash, I felt warm, tender arms that wrapped themselves around me. When I heard the first crack of the whip I thought I had dreamed it, because I did not feel anything. So, I braced myself again. By the way, the arms were still there, but I didn't really know why. The second lash came down hard and fast, but here again I didn't feel it. The beatings lasted for longer than I know, but the thing that shocked me most was what happened afterwords. I came away from the stockade without a single bump. I saw the deep-eyed man I had seen before. He was bleeding and gasping for air. He led the way to the eternal fire. I followed him, still confused as to why I didn't feel the pain. When we got there, he went inside without a word. There was sort of dull lull at this point, and I don't really know where I was, but I know I wasn't in the fire. Someone had volunteered to go in my place. Then, at last it hit me. The man with the beautiful eyes! He had his arms around me during the beatings. He went into the fire, so I didn't have to. He put himself between the punishment and the criminal.

Almost immediately a deep sense of guilt overcame me. How could I let this stranger take my punishments? What could I do to repay him? I contemplated how to thank him for a few days, three to be exact. Then, there he was! He was no longer in the fire! He had scars in his hands and feet. He had stripes on his back from the lashings. But He was there! He was alive! He was back!

I jumped up and gave him a hug. Said my usual thank you's and introduced myself. He laughed a loud, beautiful laugh when I did this. I was confused so he told me he knew who I was. He knew better than anyone. He told me that he sewed me together when I was in my mother's womb. He painted my eyes and my hair. He picked out the tone of my voice. And he spent the time designing my fingerprints.

Then he told me about his father. Who loves him very very much. But he also told me about how his father loves me too. That was why his father had sent him. He knew the death from my sin would separate us, and that was a thought he refused to bear. I began to again feel a sense of debt to this strange man who knew so much about me. So I asked him what I should do to repay him. He looked at me squarely; cupped my face in his beautiful, scared hands and said "You can't. There is nothing good or bad that you can do to repay this. It is a gift. It is because I love you and my father loves you. I desire for you to love me back. To love me more than any other. Love me with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. Not to earn my love, because that is impossible, but out of love for me do these things."

That's it? Really? You just want my love in return? My devotion?

I "love" a lot of things. Today He was not one of them. Oh Lord have mercy on us when we do not love you the way we should.

Happy Easter, friends.
















He loves you. Those lashes are what you deserve. But, He loves you so much that He took them for you.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. -Isaiah 53:5

Heavy

heavy
my soul is heavy
my heart is tired
my body aching
my spirit downcast

when will relief come?
when will i escape the past?
like a ghost it haunts me
always it is my shadow
even when dark clouds surround me
even in the sunlight
it is still there
questioning
staring
watching

i cry out to You o God
for You alone can save
You alone can understand

i call and call
but You feel so far away
"believe" You tell me
"trust" is Your gentel whisper

"but my faith is shattered" i reply
"my love bound"
"my soul crushed"
broken
like a glass

i cannot do this any longer
how can i keep loving?
how can i keep running?
my feet are weary
from much toil

give me the faith of abraham
give me the courage of esther
give me the favor of joseph
give me the love of Jesus

save me o God
for You are the only shelter
the only refuge
the only strength

have mercy, o God
hold us
keep us
heal us
love us

holy is Your name
holy is Your name
holy is Your name