family

Today for many reasons I have felt thankful for my family. I am reminded that life is short. Too short to stay angry over silly things. Too short to not laugh and risk love. Too short not to die each day for my Savior. Too short to have regrets. Too short to not say "i love you." I am blessed with an incredible family. I see Jesus inside them and it puts me in awe.

My father is probably the most self-sacrificial person I know. He puts my family before himself nearly every day. He is not perfect, but he is loving. He is not mean or malicious. And I feel safe when he is home. He would take a bullet for me, or my brothers, or my mother any day. He loves my mother. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. And that, is the greatest gift he could ever give me.

My mommy is my very best friend. I can and do tell her everything (even the things I try to keep secret)! She calls me every morning to make sure I make it to class on time (even though that is usually at 5 am for her because of the time difference). She always texts me before I go to sleep. And her prayers are never ceasing. She is a hard-core pray-er. She constantly points me to the Lord. She is my biggest fan. I love laughing with her. I love how we talk until the wee hours of the morning when I am home. I love that she loves me.

Aaron is my big brother. If anyone today has a faith like Abraham it is him. His faith in God puts mine to shame. He is constantly questioning and looking for answers and he always goes back to God. He has endured a lot of slander and persecutions for his faith, but I praise God that He will bless him for it. His heart is for the lost and the outcasts, just like Jesus' heart.

Noah is my much-taller-but-still-younger-than-me-brother. Noah can play any instrument known to ma (he can also play some that are not known). His determination to do the right thing astounds me. I know God has big things in store for him; He must have with everything He is teaching him. Despite wound after wound, he keeps going back to church and to God. He is becoming a mighty man for the Lord like my father and older brother. I am so proud of him. He is letting the Lord shape him and mold him. He is remarkable.


Then there is Isaiah. The youngest of my clan. With every day that passes I love him more and more. He is very advanced in his math skills and is a real penny pincher. He is super competitive and loves to win at everything! But, when it comes to God he wants it all to go to Him. He truly has the heart of a giver unlike any other. He gives, not only of himself, but also from his piggy bank of his $35 life savings to those who need it. He is only 7, but already he is so self-sacrificing for those he loves and those he doesn't even know. His heart of compassion stirs me.

All three of my brothers make me laugh non-stop. They are absolutely hilarious when we are home together and I love it. I am truly blessed beyond all measure.

I praise God for each of you and thank Him for putting you in my life. I love you, sweet family.



This is Abby. She is also a huge part of my family. She is older now, but she has been through a lot with my family. I know it may seem silly to those of you without a dog, but she really is an important member of my family. She raised me, Aaron, and Noah. She is in the process of raising Isaiah. I adore her.

little lambs with the faces of lions

not for the faint of heart

"The Bible is not a book for the faint of heart--it is a book full of all the greed and glory and violence and tenderness and sex and betrayal that befits mankind. It is not the collection of pretty little anecdotes mouthed by pious little church mice--it does not so much nibble at our shoe leather as it cuts to the heart and splits the marrow from the bone. It does not give us answers fitted to our small-minded questions, but truth that goes beyond what we even know to ask." -Rich Mullins

an ocean of grace

I've been sitting here pondering how to put into words where my heart is today. I want to share it with you, but I'm afraid it might take me all day. So instead, I'm going to point you towards a song and lesson that capture God's grace.

This is the song. This is the lesson.

The song is short and a familiar radio tune for most folks, but it still chokes me up. Even after the 100th time. I think it's because of its message of forgiveness but also (if not more) it reminds me I'm not alone in my fear of being left the way I am. Oh glory to His name that nothing has tempted us except what is common to man (1 Cor. 10:13).

The lesson literally took my breath away. An ocean of grace is what Louie talks about in it. It is a bit longer, but stick it out because its worth it.

blessings friends.
em

Death & Beauty

I am a sucker for all things fall-ish. Pumpkins. Hot Cider. Cooler weather. Candles. Bright red apples. Sensual amber lotion from bath & body works. Golden sunflowers. Red, orange, yellow, and golden leaves. Thanksgiving. Sweaters. Hats. Scarves. I find myself constantly analyzing every inch of Berry’s trees to see the beginnings of the bright colors that are yet to come.

God seems to have me on this theme verse right now: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it.” –Jesus (Luke 9:23).

I forgot to mention when I was basking in my love for all things fall, that deep down inside me there is a part of me that hates it. That’s right, hate. Before you go all crazy on me, let me explain myself. Fall reminds me of old pain. It reminds me of the scars on my soul. I don’t pretend to know why. There is just something in the air this time of year that always causes me to reflect more deeply for good or ill. And last night at church it got me thinking…how can I love and hate something at the same time? I joke about my love/hate relationship with school, exercise, junk food, health food, etc. But seriously, how can you love and hate something? Jesus says that if we want to live we have to die. I want to live, and I love the life He offers. But there is no denying that I hate dying; dying to self, to flesh, to my own will.

Then, I looked at the trees again. I thought about the process that they are going through at this time of year. They are not at their high of life when they change colors, they are dying. They are shedding their beautiful lush green foliage to be naked and bare for the cold winter months down the road. It is in their death that they become astounding. It is in their death that they stop you in your tracks and cause you to gaze at their beauty. It is in their death that they become truly marvelous.

And, I think that is a lot like us. It is when we die that we begin to truly reflect the beauty and majesty of our Creator. It’s when we lay our lives down daily that God uses us to cause people to stop in their tracks.

I don’t know about you, but to me, dying daily does not sound like any picnic (well, unless there is ants, and mosquitoes, and its 100 degrees and humid, then maybe it’s like a picnic. But you see my point). Dying daily is not fun. It is hard. And there are times when I hate it, but I also hate that I hate it. A guy named St. Augustine once said “A Christian has two loves in their heart, the love for what is good and the love for what is evil. The Christian hates that he loves what is evil.” I think that Augustine guy had a good point. We are always going to be at war. Not just against the Enemy, but also against ourselves. There is a constant battle going on inside of us, the flesh and the Spirit. Romans 7:21-23 says, “So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.”

So you see it is truly a love/hate relationship we have with ourselves if we are in Christ. Our flesh hates being put to death, but we cannot afford to not do it. For in the death of the flesh, the beauty of God shines brightly, just like that crisp orange leaf outside your window.

the last half...

I will officially begin my junior year of college this Monday. It seems so surreal to think that two years ago I was first moving to Berry. I remember the pride that I felt at my high school graduation, thinking that I was a real adult now. That I was my own person. I think God must have chuckled at that because little did I realize then how much He had in store for me. I thought I knew Him. I thought I had a handle on who He was, but oh man did He open my eyes. The things He has taught me since I first stepped onto Berry's beautiful campus would surpass the limitations of this blog site. I have realized that I am only scratching the surface of realizing that He is much bigger than I know or can imagine. Each season of life He adjusts my lens of seeing who He is, and He is getting bigger and bigger each time.

Thinking about being a junior has also caused me to reflect on my high school years. In the first two years of high school I was very sick. That was when I first began spending time really talking to God about real things. The second two years, Mom was sick. In my head at the time, my own sickness was extremely difficult to cope with, but it wasn't until Mom got sick that I really understood the meaning of the word difficult. God used the first half of high school to prepare me for the second half. Which causes me to wonder what all He has in store for the next two years of college. Right now, these past two years feel like some of my hardest yet, but God has taught me about Himself through it all. He has taken me through things I never thought possible. I don't know what He has in store for the last half of this chapter in my life, but I know it will be extraordinary because He is extraordinary. This is my junior year of college. Let's do this.

So faithful, so constant and so true
So powerful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient, so gracious, so merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart
To remind me

Lord, I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are
To remind me

I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

"You Are For Me" by: Kari Jobe