the F word

In light of recent elections and the upcoming holidays...I decided to write about the F word.  That's right, I decided to write about the future.

Tomorrow I'll head home for my last Thanksgiving break as an under-grad.
Time seems to be getting faster, or perhaps I'm just getting older.
I only have a few months left until I graduate.
I'll have a college degree in hand and be off in the world to figure out what I should do with my life.
But really I guess you might say I'm already there.
Trying to figure out what I want to do, that is.

A lot of people get hyped up and stressed out about their future, especially when that graduation date ebbs closer.  SO many people have asked me about my plans now that I'm a senior.  I don't mind it though.  I'm thankful to have people in my life that take an interest in my future.  But at the same time it feels like an never ending cycle. Allow me to elaborate:

High school- where are you going to college?  where are you going to college?  where are you going to college?

Freshman year- what are you gonna major in?  what are you gonna major in?  what are you gonna major in?

Sophomore year- you have time to decide a major, but not too much time so hurry up and decide already!

Junior year- You better like what you're in, you're in too deep now...

Senior year- where are you going?  where are you gonna work?  where are you gonna live?  you're an adult now.

So many questions.
There is so much unknown.
So many plans! 
My goodness, how we humans like to plan things out.

I've decided not to worry too much about that little thing known as the "future."  God has it worked out, and me making plans isn't going to change that.

What do we think?  Do we seriously think He is up there thinking, "oh man, I hope she makes the right decision here.  This is it!  If she messes this up, she's off the path and I can't help her."  What a pitiful god that would be if that were true.  To think that God is limited by your decisions is prideful.  He is not limited by you.  Quite frankly, He doesn't even need you.  Did you hear that? God does not need you.  He is perfectly capable of making the world go round without you. 

Four years ago if you told me I would be where I am, doing what I am doing I probably would have laughed at you.  Told you that is the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard and I would never do that.  Never ever! But here I am, doing it.  And it has been one of the hardest, scariest, most heart wrenching, best things I've ever done.

I've been thinking about Esther a lot lately.  She had to decide if she was going to go tell King Xerxes that his right hand man was planning to destroy her people.  This could have cost Esther her life, which wouldn't have done anything to help the Jews.  Her cousin, Mordecai, told her "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14). 

God would have delivered the Jews.  He wasn't going to be in a jam if Esther said no.  He simply would have used another method to accomplish His will.  It's kind of the same with us.  God is going to accomplish His will, regardless of you, regardless of who is president, regardless of which career path you choose.  He is going to do it.  Human beings are incapable of stopping Him.  We simply don't have that power.  He is the all-powerful one, not us. 


So if you are freaking out because you don't know what you want to do with your life or you think our country is going to hell, don't worry.  The world isn't going to fall to shambles because you decided on this path instead of that one.  The world isn't going to fall because of who is in our political offices.  We don't have that much power, my friend.  The world will only fall to shambles when God says it's time. 

 Perhaps then, you are asking yourself that if this all true, why should you obey Him?  I mean, if He's going to do what He sees fit regardless of us, why does it matter?  Not so fast there, dear.  We still should obey Him.  You want to know why?  Not because the fate of the world rest on your shoulders, but because He loves you.  Wait, what?  Obey because He loves you?  Yep.  That's right.  Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15).  Your obedience to God should be out of a deep and passionate love for Him, not out of the fear of what will happen if you don't.  Plus, there are countless blessings that come from obeying Him.  If Esther had decided not to go before the king, God would have rescued the Jews, but she and her family would have perished.  She would have missed the blessing.

So, let's sum this up.  Whoever you are, whatever you're facing, whatever your fears are, know that God is sovereign.  He is the Almighty One, and He can bring glory out of any situation. 


"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Jesus said, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...So do not worry...your heavenly Father knows [what] you need...seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  -Matthew 6:25-34

Enjoy!

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, 

Christ died for us. 

-Romans 5:8

Bless the Lord

 

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

God & Vomit

I don't know about you but sometimes I doubt God.  There it is.  I said it.

I really struggle to find a happy medium on the grace vs. works scale.  Most the time I'm one or the other.  Believing I'm accepted through grace or believing I'm accepted because of my good works (which by the way is not true.  You can only be accepted because of Jesus' blood.  See Ephesians 2:8).  Or believing I am not accepted because I fail to have good works.

I find that there is pattern within my head of the way I see my connection with God.  In other words, when I do the "really bad" sins then I find myself believing that I'm lower than scum.  The worst of the worst is how I see myself in those moments.  But then there are also times where I do the "not so bad" sins, and those days I'm "okay, as long as I make it up through good works."

But the truth is:

 both of those ideas are wrong.

I feel like learning this lesson is a never ending cycle.  But recently it has been more prominent in the forefront of my mind.   Let me tell you why.  

See, I'm in the "this is really bad and I'll never be good" stage.  I have done some really stupid things this week that I wish I could take back.  I slipped back into an old habit that I thought I was over. It can be a really discouraging feeling when you fight so hard and long against giving into to a particular sin, only to realize later you've fallen in that very spot.

I'll be completely honest with you: I felt too ashamed to go to Him.  I felt I could not bare the thought of dragging myself before the Holy of Holies (again) to repent of this sin (again).  Perhaps you've felt the same way before.  If you have, please keep reading.  I promise this story has a good ending.

Stay with me here, I'm about to change the subject on you.

I've been battling some unknown illness since the summer.  Since that time my mom and dad have gone above and beyond their call to see that I'm okay.  From day trips to get me and take me home for a weekend to calling/texting daily to see how I'm doing (they are the best, Lord bless 'em).  I can't pay my parents back for everything they have done.  They did not stop caring about me because I came down with some disease or because I could never repay them.  No, they stepped out and took the necessary steps to make sure I would be alright. The point I want to present to you is this: it is the same with God.  

 

When you are in the deepest and darkest parts of your sin, He is there ready and willing to go out of His way to bring you back.  In fact, He already did pave the way.  "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).  

 

A verse that I particularity struggle with that is related to all of this is Proverbs 26:11.  "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."  For a long time I tried to ignore that verse because it says I am a fool.  I hated the image of a dog and vomit because it was truly disgusting to me.  However, it is so completely and utterly true of what I was doing through my own sinful habits.  It was like I was returning to vomit.  Which is a gross but powerful image.  For some of us it can be a shocking image to picture ourselves wading through vomit (sin) trying to become clean by ourselves.  Let that image sink in for a moment. 

 

 

So, I present to you the life of a redeemed child:

We sinned.

A lot.

Which created a stink around us.

Like vomit.

God loved us.

He saw the vomit.

He smelled it

On our clothes

In our hair

All over us.

He said "I love them, Son."

So,

The Son came.

Cleaned up our vomit.

He took it

and put it on Himself.

He bathed us in Himself.

He made us clean.

He made it so we smelled like Him

instead of like us.

This did not really hit me hard until a little while ago when I read a tweet from a dad about his daughter, after she threw up on him.  He said that he had cleaned her up, put her back in her bed, and that in that moment he loved her more than ever before.  

It is so crazy to me that parents can love their children even when they are the subject of said child's vomit.  But I know it is true.  I've seen it in my own parents and this father clearly exhibits it.

I think, this is one of those moments where God lets a tiny glimmer of Himself shine through the beings that He made in His image.  God loves you when you are in the pit of sin (or vomit, to keep the theme flowing).  He knows you can't clean yourself up.  He knows you're in a big pile of ugly.  You can't hide it from Him.  And all you have to do is call out to Him.  He'll be there to clean you up, give you a bath, and welcome you back into His arms.  Amazing.

So, if you're like me, wading through your vomit.  Stop trying to do it yourself and cry out His name.  He's got the soap to wipe that stench from your body.  oh, glory.

"Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." -Mark 2:17

Return to Him, sweet one.  

He loves you.

"As for me, I call to the Lord God and He saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress and He hears my voice."

 -Psalm 55:16-17

I am so overwhelmed right now.

So many things weigh heavy on my heart tonight.

My soul is so heavy.  So burdened.

But this, this I will trust in: He hears my voice.

He hears your voice.

God will not forsake His beloved.

oh glory.

"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the One who sustains me."

- Psalm 54:4

This is the verse God has given me for this year.

So far, 

this semester has felt like I would imagine it would feel to have your whole body put through a cheese grater.  Or to be completely crushed by a heavy rock.

But,

He is my substance.

He is how I am breathing.  Living.  Surviving.

He will continue to help me.

Surely, He is my help.

The One that will sustain me through this storm.

Glory to God that He is sufficient.  

He is enough.

In Him, I can trust.

I will trust.

Because He is worthy.