God & Vomit

I don't know about you but sometimes I doubt God.  There it is.  I said it.

I really struggle to find a happy medium on the grace vs. works scale.  Most the time I'm one or the other.  Believing I'm accepted through grace or believing I'm accepted because of my good works (which by the way is not true.  You can only be accepted because of Jesus' blood.  See Ephesians 2:8).  Or believing I am not accepted because I fail to have good works.

I find that there is pattern within my head of the way I see my connection with God.  In other words, when I do the "really bad" sins then I find myself believing that I'm lower than scum.  The worst of the worst is how I see myself in those moments.  But then there are also times where I do the "not so bad" sins, and those days I'm "okay, as long as I make it up through good works."

But the truth is:

 both of those ideas are wrong.

I feel like learning this lesson is a never ending cycle.  But recently it has been more prominent in the forefront of my mind.   Let me tell you why.  

See, I'm in the "this is really bad and I'll never be good" stage.  I have done some really stupid things this week that I wish I could take back.  I slipped back into an old habit that I thought I was over. It can be a really discouraging feeling when you fight so hard and long against giving into to a particular sin, only to realize later you've fallen in that very spot.

I'll be completely honest with you: I felt too ashamed to go to Him.  I felt I could not bare the thought of dragging myself before the Holy of Holies (again) to repent of this sin (again).  Perhaps you've felt the same way before.  If you have, please keep reading.  I promise this story has a good ending.

Stay with me here, I'm about to change the subject on you.

I've been battling some unknown illness since the summer.  Since that time my mom and dad have gone above and beyond their call to see that I'm okay.  From day trips to get me and take me home for a weekend to calling/texting daily to see how I'm doing (they are the best, Lord bless 'em).  I can't pay my parents back for everything they have done.  They did not stop caring about me because I came down with some disease or because I could never repay them.  No, they stepped out and took the necessary steps to make sure I would be alright. The point I want to present to you is this: it is the same with God.  

 

When you are in the deepest and darkest parts of your sin, He is there ready and willing to go out of His way to bring you back.  In fact, He already did pave the way.  "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).  

 

A verse that I particularity struggle with that is related to all of this is Proverbs 26:11.  "As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."  For a long time I tried to ignore that verse because it says I am a fool.  I hated the image of a dog and vomit because it was truly disgusting to me.  However, it is so completely and utterly true of what I was doing through my own sinful habits.  It was like I was returning to vomit.  Which is a gross but powerful image.  For some of us it can be a shocking image to picture ourselves wading through vomit (sin) trying to become clean by ourselves.  Let that image sink in for a moment. 

 

 

So, I present to you the life of a redeemed child:

We sinned.

A lot.

Which created a stink around us.

Like vomit.

God loved us.

He saw the vomit.

He smelled it

On our clothes

In our hair

All over us.

He said "I love them, Son."

So,

The Son came.

Cleaned up our vomit.

He took it

and put it on Himself.

He bathed us in Himself.

He made us clean.

He made it so we smelled like Him

instead of like us.

This did not really hit me hard until a little while ago when I read a tweet from a dad about his daughter, after she threw up on him.  He said that he had cleaned her up, put her back in her bed, and that in that moment he loved her more than ever before.  

It is so crazy to me that parents can love their children even when they are the subject of said child's vomit.  But I know it is true.  I've seen it in my own parents and this father clearly exhibits it.

I think, this is one of those moments where God lets a tiny glimmer of Himself shine through the beings that He made in His image.  God loves you when you are in the pit of sin (or vomit, to keep the theme flowing).  He knows you can't clean yourself up.  He knows you're in a big pile of ugly.  You can't hide it from Him.  And all you have to do is call out to Him.  He'll be there to clean you up, give you a bath, and welcome you back into His arms.  Amazing.

So, if you're like me, wading through your vomit.  Stop trying to do it yourself and cry out His name.  He's got the soap to wipe that stench from your body.  oh, glory.

"Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." -Mark 2:17

Return to Him, sweet one.  

He loves you.