Reflections Part 1: Brought Back to Life

I attended a New Year's conference in Atlanta, GA this past January. Even though it is the middle of March, I am still trying to process everything I experienced and learned. But, I want to share my thought-process with you. I hope it encourages you. If you have any insight from all this, I would love to hear about it. While everything God did at the conference was huge and significant, the biggest thing to me personally was simply this: freedom.

I grew up in a church environment that taught: do good and God will love you, do bad and God will not love you (just to be clear allow me to say, that is an incorrect philosophy). But that is what I was taught, purposefully or not. When you live with a philosophy constantly thrown at you, it is really hard not to believe it. You just begin thinking it is true, or at least I did.

This past summer I picked up a sinful habit which quickly turned into an addiction. The grief that followed was intense. I couldn't stand myself. I hated myself. But I kept giving in to temptation. The enemy hammered me with lies such as "God's grace isn't enough for you. What makes you think He wants to save you? How could you betray Him like that!?" Among other things. I gave the enemy a foothold over my life, and it nearly killed me. God wouldn't let me go that easy though. He perused me in ways that I can see only now that those moments are in the past.

Anyway, back to Passion. I really didn't want to go. To be completely honest with you, I was afraid. I was afraid that God would not be there for me. I doubted Him. I remember the night before I was to leave and I was talking to my mom about it. I remember asking her if she thought it was bad that I just needed God to breathe life back into me. I was too ashamed to ask Him. I felt dead. I felt my faith had been shattered, and my belief in Jesus' saving power was pretty much nonexistent.

Then I got there. We went in. They did this thing where they read scripture with music and words on the screen, but I wasn't into it. I just felt numb all over. Then we worshiped with Chris Tomlin leading, and again I wasn't into it. I felt like there was this Grand-Canyon pit between me and God. I was beginning to regret my decision to come. Then this guy named Louie Giglio came out on the stage. Some of the first words out of his mouth were something like "Is there anybody here who feels like there's something in you you need to be brought back to life again?" My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he said the exact thing I had been wrestling with since last summer. From that moment on, I knew God was going to do something huge in my life while I was at the Dome.

And He did not disappoint. He brought be back from the dead. He breathed life back into my very soul. That is why the things I experience at Passion is so much more than a spiritual high. Because it was not Passion. It was not the speakers. It was not the worship. While all that stuff was amazing and certainly a part of it, the biggest thing was that I had been reunited with my Jesus! He tore through my heart that week. I won't lie to you, a lot if it was very painful. It wasn't "fun" but it was good.

The month of January was good for me this year. God protected me from the world and the enemy as He continued to heal me with His healing balm. In February, the old feelings tried to creep back in. And things happened in my life that were hard.

Now, here in March, my faith is being rocked. My faith is being tested. I am struggling to keep believing Him and His words. And I do not use the word 'struggle' lightly. I've messed up again, and just like before it has grieved me. But I have to keep believing Him. We have to keep trusting Him. We have to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

His word to you is this:
"Behold child, you have been made clean."

Trust in His saving power. He is mighty to save. His blood has not run dry. His love has not run out. He is there. Waiting patiently for you to come. He loves you.



This song has encouraged me so much through my struggle to believe Him. May it encourage you.

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation" -Colossians 1:21-22

72daysforfreedom.com

More on this to come...

the heart of a child

It is the season of Lent. I personally am not a member of the Catholic community, but I have many dear friends who are and I respect them very much. I recently learned of a 7 year old, who isn't Catholic either, that decided he needed to sacrifice cookies, ice-cream, and candy. When the child was asked why he was giving those things up for Lent, his response was simple. "Jesus sacrificed for me and I want to sacrifice for Him." Whoa.

I am astounded at the faith of children.

(Perhaps that is why God has me in the business of working with them everyday; because I have so much to learn from them. )

This child has a tender heart. Recently, he wanted to know about the end. The mother explained in simple terms that it is like a courtroom, and God Himself is the Judge. Each of us, one by one, will stand before the Judge to give an account of the things we did while we were alive. But, for those of us who know Jesus, He will step in and say "wait Father, this one's Mine. His debt has been paid in full." Then we will be ushered in to heaven, where we will live with Him, forever. This brought up questions about what would happen to those who don't know Jesus. The mother explained that they would have to pay for the things they had done. They wouldn't get to go into heaven to be with Jesus. The child wept and wept at this realization.

I felt a sting shoot through my body at the realization that this little child's reaction is the same as Jesus'. Oh, that we would weep over the lost people of our world.

set your church on fire

Come set Your rule and reign
In our hearts again
Increase in us we pray
Unveil why we're made
Come set our hearts ablaze with hope
Like wildfire in our very souls
Holy Spirit come invade us now
We are Your Church
We need Your power
In us

We seek Your kingdom first
We hunger and we thirst
Refuse to waste our lives
For You're our joy and prize
To see the captive hearts released
The hurt; the sick; the poor at peace
We lay down our lives for Heaven's cause
We are Your church
We pray revive
This Earth

Build Your kingdom here
Let the darkness fear
Show Your mighty hand
Heal our streets and land
Set Your church on fire
Win this nation back
Change the atmosphere
Build Your kingdom here
We pray

Unleash Your kingdom's power
Reaching the near and far
No force of hell can stop
Your beauty changing hearts
You made us for much more than this
Awake the kingdom seed in us
Fill us with the strength and love of Christ
We are Your church
We are the hope
On Earth

-Rend Collective Experiment
"Build Your Kingdom Here"

Swings

Today at work I witnessed a 3 year old conquer his fear. This kid was afraid of the swings. And lets face it, if you're three and never seen a swing set before it can be a scary thing. He hasn't been interested in swinging since he arrived at the school this January. But lately he has opted to venture closer and closer. Today, he took the plunge. He decided to try it on his tummy. However, in this particular preschool that is against the rules. (Too many kids have gotten a face-plant I guess). I had to step in and remind him of the rules. However, when he decided he didn't care about the rules I had to stop his swing entirely. If you've never had a three old angry at you, try stopping their swing. The smoke starts coming out of their ears. I told him he had to swing the right way. After some tears he decided to try it. I helped him into the swing, seeing as it came up to his collar bone. His little hands were trembling and I could tell he was afraid of falling. Not to help matters, the kid next to him took a tumble off the swing that was going rather high. This kid left the swings with big monster tears falling from his cheeks. After that my little friend decided to do the belly ride again. Once again I made him cry by telling him he had to do it the right way. However, he decided to give it another shot. He hesitantly let me help him back in the swing. He told me he didn't want to be pushed. The little guy was shaking like a leaf, so of course I wasn't going to push him (I'm not that mean, even though I had made him cry a few times by now). I told him it was okay. He could sit there until he was ready, but if he changed his mind to call me. I went back to pushing other kids and listening to their giggles. I kept my eye on my little friend though. He sat there and watched me push his buddies. The other kids decided to slide, so I went back over to my friend. I asked him if he wanted me to push him. He looked in my eyes and I could see he was still afraid. I told him he didn't have to be afraid, all he has to do is hold on. I'll take care of the rest. I told him if it was to fast, to tell me. I wasn't going to walk off and leave him. He decided to trust me, and allowed me to give him a gentle push. I have never seen joy in a person the way I saw it in this boy's face. He was ECSTATIC! He was so excited.

I pushed him for a solid 30 minutes before his mom came to pick him up. By the time he left, he was glowing.

I couldn't help thinking how often I am like that little boy. Afraid of new things. Unwilling to do them God's way. I constantly want to do them my way, because I think it is safer (even though in reality it isn't). God is constantly saying "don't be afraid. I am with you. Just hold onto Me, and I'll take care of the rest." Yet, I am afraid. Afraid of so many things. The little boy was never in any real danger. I wasn't about to let this terrified child do a face plant in the dirt. I was right behind him. Telling him just to call out if he felt it was too much. Then it hit me, that is what God does with me about so many things. He is right there. Always. He tells us we can call to Him when we feel it is too much. Jesus is right there with you. If you have the Holy Spirit, He will NEVER leave you. Do you realize how powerful that is? Do you realize how HUGE that is? It blows my mind.

Personally, fear has taken hold of me in the past few weeks. Fear for my family. Fear of my future. Fear of what my life will be in less than a year and half. At times it feels overwhelming, but that God whispers "I've got you. I'm not going to leave you." If my little friend had not trusted me, he would not know the joy a swing set can bring. Much less the joy of conquering a fear. Trust. Another thing I realized was in this boy's mind the only way he could swing was if he did it 'my' way. He had to do it the way I knew to be best. How much I can relate to this boy on wanting to do things my own way. The fact that when I start going my own way, God takes my swing and nearly brings it to a complete stop until my attention is completely on Him. In order for it to work to the fullest extent, it has to be done His way. My mind has been blown.

So, here's to trusting God, my friends. May we be ever trusting. Resting in the promise that we are His.


"Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." -John 14:27

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

He is real.

I got to meet these guys last night when they came to my hometown. It is a surreal kind of feeling to meet someone for the first time when you know their name, face, and all their songs. It made me feel kind of creepy because they didn't know me, yet I knew them. If you've ever "met" someone even remotely famous you probably know what I'm talking about. I remember shaking their hands, looking at their faces, and thinking "whoa, you're like a real person." I remember thinking something similar the first time I saw speakers such as Beth Moore or Francis Chan in person. Now, I know this may seem ridiculous because of course they are real people. If they weren't who else would write their music, bible studies, or books? But bear with me, I always had an idea in my head that they were real somewhere out in the world, but to see them with my own eyes, shake their hands; it made them real on a whole new level. This got me thinking about Jesus and how much I want to see Him with own eyes. To know about someone and then see them in full blown reality...it's a surreal kind of thing. It sounds so juvenile to say, but it made me wish I could shake His hand the way I shook each of their hands. It also made me realize that with Him, no introductions will be needed. He won't ask us our name. He'll know us...no, He DOES know us. It sank in on a whole new level about the reality of Jesus. Some of you may be thinking that is a stretch based on the fact that I only met a band, but it wasn't them (though they were really awesome people), it was the Holy Spirit. He is real. Just as real as you or me (in fact I think He is probably more real than us). My love for Him has grown.

To be honest, I initially felt honored at the opportunity to meet this band. I mean, I've been a faithful listener since I discovered them in high school (which is another story for another day).But then, God knocked me to my face with the realization that because of Jesus I have the opportunity to KNOW HIM. Not only can I know Him, but He chooses to know me. He chooses to know you. You are not a face in the crowd to Him. He knows you and loves you. Gosh, He really amazes me sometimes.

We can know Him now through faith. You can know Him today. Jesus once told a guy named Thomas, "...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29). Glory to God that He is real even though our eyes can't see Him. But someday, yes someday we will see Him, face to face, eye to eye. "...Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be their God" (Revelation 21:3) He is real, my friends. More real than we ever dared to imagine.