All the single ladies...

If you are single, do yourself  a favor and spend a few minutes reading this article.

Blessings.

fix your eyes

” We were made for God.  Only by being in some respect like Him, only by being a manifestation of His beauty, loving-kindness, wisdom or goodness, has any earthy beloved excited our love.  It is not that we have loved them too much, but that we did not quite understand what we were loving.  When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it.  He has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love.  All that was true love in them, was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.  In heaven there will be no anguish and no duty of turning away from our earthly beloveds.  First, because we shall have turned already; from the portraits to the Original, from the rivulets to the Fountain, from the creatures He made lovable to Love Himself!  But secondly, because we shall find them all in Him.  By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we do now.”

- CS Lewis.

when my heart is overwhelmed

lead me to the Rock

that is higher than I

psalm 61:2

Trust

"You can trust Me"

That is what He said at the beginning of this year.  He has made it explicitly clear that this year I am going to learn to trust Him.  He has never given me a word for "the year" before, but He decided that 2013 is going to be a year of trust.

 

I've been struggling through laying things down at the cross lately.  He's pointed things out that I'm holding onto, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to let them go.  My knuckles are white from holding them so tightly.

Things like my family,

my present trials,

my future,

my life.

How can I let Him have those things?  He hasn't promised to give them back to me.  Maybe if I keep holding onto them, He'll decide to promise that before I let them go. 

These are the thoughts of my heart.  

I've been carrying around this heavy burden of worry.  

Worry that I'm going to wake up to disaster one day.

Worry that I won't get that little slip of paper known as my college degree, 

and my life will fall to pieces.

Worry that I'm not good enough.

Worry that it just isn't going to happen.

Those are the things on the surface of my heart that I worry about.  But I realized today that seeded deep underneath each of them is a doubt in God.

Worry that He'll decide to leave me.

Worry that He doesn't hold my future.

Worry that His blood wasn't enough.

Worry that He will forget me.

Those worries are a lot tougher.

But they are there.

Hidden deep inside me.

 

Initially it can be a really discouraging feeling to realize you have so much doubt like I did at the beginning of 2013.  But this is what I'm learning... My "heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?"  (Jeremiah 17:9)

My heart is deceitful.  Meaning, those worries are nothing but a bunch of lies.

The next verse in Jeremiah says "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."

 

So, my heart is deceitful and the Lord knows it.

The next verse my mind automatically goes to is Hebrews 12:5-6:

"my son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son."

"...the Lord disciplines those He loves..."

That is an incredibly comforting thought when you feel like you're in the middle of some discipline.  My heart is taunting my mind with thoughts of worry, and the Lord knows and is dealing with it.  What a faithful God we serve.

Even in the midst of a rebellious mind that I feel like I can't control, God is taking it and using it to make me more like Him.  He is refining it out of me.

 

He is teaching me to trust Him.

He's doing a bit of heart surgery on this old heart of mine

and boy is it painful.

But glory to Him,

 He's holding my hand every step of the way.

 

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands."  -Deuteronomy 7:9

the 23rd psalm

This has been my life verse lately:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.

  He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Clinging to the promises of Him who is faithful.

Glory to God.

Passion 2013: the hard part

I should probably warn you that this post is not exactly the most chipper.  So, you should read to the end if you're going to read it.  It has a good ending!

Last Monday I was an absolute wreck.  My plans for the week were falling apart before my very eyes, and it literally made me sick with worry. 

It was the week I had been looking forward to all year.  It was Passion week at the Georgia Dome.

Last year, Jesus brought me back to Himself and resurrected my very soul during the conference.  This year, I wanted to experience His presence.  I wanted to dwell on Him without ceasing.  I just wanted more of Him.

When I thought it wasn't going to happen because of financial issues I was crushed.  It upset me so badly I decided I did not want to go.  My worry and stress was just too much and the evil one harped his lies upon my every thought.  I wasn't going to go.

Then, the situation worked out.  I could go now.  (Glory to God for that!)

I arrived at the Dome and was pleasantly surprised to find that I could move around without rubbing elbows with 10 other people at once (that is how it was last year).  It was going to be amazing!  The evil one had put numerous obstacles in my path to arrive there, and by the grace of God I had made it.

The conference began, and I was simply beaming with excited anticipation.

Then, nothing. No word from Him into my life.  No deep feeling of the Spirit's glorious presence.

I was a little disappointed that it didn't feel as glorious as last year.  But hey, it was only the first night.  God must be going to speak in a mighty way in the morning...

The next day came.  The morning and afternoon of that day consisted of being sick and continued disappointment.  60,000 people were experiencing what I so desperately wanted.  The presence of the Lord.  The evil one continued to throw lies in my face.  "This is not like last year" I thought.  "Last year I knew that God was going to do amazing things by the first night.  Last year He spoke words of comfort into my life.  Last year He breathed life into me again and refreshed my soul.  Where is He now?  What is going on?"  I continued to feel discouraged.  Then, the real sting came.  Francis Chan talked in the evening about trusting God.  I mean like really trusting Him.  My whole body cringed with conviction as I came to realize I do not trust Him as much as I thought.  The Lord brought things to my mind that I thought I had given Him.  I realized I had taken them back and now they were weighing me down like heavy chains.  I realized I have God in this box that says "You o Lord can handle everything except this, this, and this."  To think that I have not been trusting my precious Jesus is a horrible feeling.  My prayer turned from "where are you" to "help me overcome my unbelief!"  I prayed that prayer throughout the rest of the conference.

On the last day, I didn't want to go.  Last year there was so much comfort that the Lord poured out on me.  This year it felt like I had been beaten to a pulp.  My heart was weary instead of energized.  I left Passion this year feeling confused by my experience rather than rejuvenated. 

It just didn't make sense.  God had clearly made the way for me to go.  So why would He make it be like that?  Why would He do this to me?  To be honest, I felt hurt by Him more than anything.  I had been convicted, but I didn't change overnight.  I left Passion still carrying fear and doubt.

My drive home was long.  I mean literally not figuratively.  It was about a five hour drive because of traffic and construction.  I knew I needed to talk to Him about it.  I knew He could see and feel what was going on inside my heart.  So, I did.  I laid it all on the table.  There were things deep inside me that I had not ever talked to Him about, and so I poured out my heart to Him.

And my friends, I just to have to tell you the Lord is good.  He always has been and He always will be.  There I was, a complete mental and spiritual wreck and He came in to meet me there.  He can handle fears and doubts.  There is no so such thing as being too far gone while there is still breath in your lungs.  Let me say this again: THE LORD CAN MEET YOU WHERE YOU ARE.  HE CAN HANDLE IT.  So go to Him in prayer, dear friends.  He is beckoning to you.

As far as the whole trust issue, I still have a long way to go.  But now that the conference is behind me, I can definately see that the things the Lord did and is still doing in me are all good things.  He is refining me, and I am so thankful. 

There is so much more I could say...

My family group this year was amazing.

I may have a different career path ahead of me than I originally thought.

Slavery still exists, and there are things you can do to help end it (enditmovement.com).

The Lord is faithful even when we are faithless.

More on these things later.  Until then, I leave you this truth:

"Trust in Him at all times, o people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."  

-Psalm 62:8